Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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