I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
