My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize