I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
