C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
