I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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