One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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