He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize