dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
