Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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