Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
