I could have mohawked her pubes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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