I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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