Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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