Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
