Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
