my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
