last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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