Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize