it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
