Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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