How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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