So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
