sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
