She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
