Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were trust falling into bushes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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