were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
