No more Irish car bombs ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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