They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
