dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
