So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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