went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
