I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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