Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
