shes about as inviting as chlamydia
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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