from now on my penis is your penis
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
