I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
