Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
