about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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