Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
