the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
