My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
