She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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