I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
