So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
