my vag is so smooth its legendary
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
