Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
two words...techno handjob
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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