good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
