Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
