dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
