Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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