I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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