if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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