dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
