I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
