is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
