this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so let's talk penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
