I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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