when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
