I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
