Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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