Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
