I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize