It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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