Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
