I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
