I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize