Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
