Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
