I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
