When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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