What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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