a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
