I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
