Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
