my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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