They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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