allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
