"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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