Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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