Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
