I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
