i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
