i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
