my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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