Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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