In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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