you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
