he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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