I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
