17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A+ Viking dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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