I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
