I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
