I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
