Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
