We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize