While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
