What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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