i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
