I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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