I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
