Just cropdusted the office
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
