Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
