my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize