btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
