so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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